So what do I feel exactly?

I have been asked a few times what I felt about the trip. Was I excited? Scared? Impatient?

I have - and still do - gone through a wide variety of emotions. Every day!
So what do I feel exactly?

-Excitement / Joy:
Of course I am excited and happy! It is a dream coming true for me! I always wanted to travel around the world and discover new places and culture. Share knowledge with new people. It IS exciting to embark on an unknown journey leaving everything behind. Change is exciting, just as moving to a new city or country.
I also know that this journey will help me become a better person, stronger, more confident and with much to share. It will also help me become a better photographer and follow my passion. So yes, I AM excited and happy!

-Impatience:
To be honest, yes and no. I am impatient to finish with this job I have as I am not motivated anymore and never liked it anyway. I want to get over with it and be free to start my journey. But I am not really impatient to leave yet! I know it is arriving, slowly but surely. I have many things to do prior to leaving. I do not want to burn the steps and feel I am running away from my old Life. I want it to be a smooth transition. Not much left anyway… less than 2 months!

-Doubt and Fear:
Aha! I would be lying if I said I am sure about my decision and am not afraid of what is going to happen. Yes, almost every day I have a moment of weakness. I doubt, I ask too many questions… Am I doing the right thing? Was this really what I wanted to do? Is leaving the comfort of my Life to jump into the unknown a sane decision?
For years I have been used to living in a very comfortable environment, where everything is easily accessible and available. I do have a well-paid job compared to foreign countries. I also do have most of my friends and my family here close to me.
So obviously, a sudden change just feels weird. In a world in “crisis”, is it a clever thing to do? While people are losing their jobs and struggling to find a new one, is it a stupid decision to deliberately quit and go on an adventure?
I sometimes feel I have rushed things. We all are afraid of failure and of the unknown, especially when we are used to our comfort bubble. But in my case, I guess it’s the “risk” that is making me feel alive, giving a meaning to what I am doing and what I intend to be in my Life. Besides, I neither loved my job nor this country I live in. What is considered more insane: Taking the risk on an unknown journey? Or staying in a place where you will find no pleasure, no peace and no personal fulfillment? I do feel like a flower in a golden vase, but soon enough I’ll just wither. I prefer wild flowers in open fields on a mountain!
I have found a way to overcome my fears and will talk about it later in another post.

-Loneliness:
I always lived surrounded with family and friends. And just thinking about my next step, I do sometimes feel lonely. I always counted on my friends and family to support me, and when in doubt, I’d look behind to search for a comforting smile. This time I will be alone. I will have to take my own decisions alone. Familiar faces will just become pixels across the screen. I guess this is the perfect time to learn that I will always have my best friend with me wherever I go: Myself.

-Simplicity:
Ever since I went trekking in Iceland, and after I came from the Camino in Spain, I tasted the joy of a “simple” Life with no clutter. We are too used to live in a material world. “I own therefore I am”. One of the most beautiful moments I shared with my friend on the Camino is a simple sunset over the distant mountains. I guess we take those simple things for granted and search for complexity to give a meaning to our lives. So wrong…

-Faith:
This is the most important feeling I have within me. Faith is what drives me forward, It destroys doubt and fear. It’s the fuel that makes the machine run. I have faith in my capacities and believe in myself. I have faith that I will succeed as a great photographer, even though I have no artistic education or background.
My passion and my faith are paving my way through the unknown. I sometimes walk blindfolded but I know that a hand is guiding me through my journey. Even if I make mistakes, which I will certainly do, they will help me rise stronger, wiser and I will be able to correct my path to always move forward and reach my destination.

And as I said it once to my close friend: In a few years from now, I would like to be able to stand up, and sing “My Way” from Sinatra, and meaning every single word of it!